why the change in attitude

I'm the mommy...now happy. Are things easy? No, and they may never be but, its worth the difficult times to get to the really good times that make a difference in my everyday.
For nearly six years the biological father of my two children was non-existent in our lives. There was no support, no phone calls, no stopping by the check on the well being of the two children he donated chromosomes to. After 5 1/2 years the state government tracked him down and started enforcing the child-support that had gone unpaid since the day our divorce was finalized. Of course when money is concerned he's at my front door demanding a relationship with the children he has to pay for....when they were free he didn't care but, now that they cost him money he wants everything he can get. I'm frustrated, hurt for my kids sake, that they weren't worth the time until now and, angry. I don't see the fairness in a man abandoning his children for close to six years and then when forced into the responsibility of it all, getting the right to pick up where he left off ...... that's for another blog. Fast forward to the present...6 months later and he sees them on every/other weekend visits. Typical standard possession, all temporarily until court which, I hate. It makes me mad but, it did do one thing positive.
And, I realize it, which makes it all the more worth while. I took what I had with my kids for granted. I took for granted tucking them into bed every night, reading them a story, playing outside, pushing them in a swing. It had become everyday, monotonous, routine, almost a chore. Now, I realize that EVERY second counts and is a blessing we can't get back. We have determined that the time we have with our children is a miracle and worth celebrating, and that is what we are doing.
We have started a new journey as a family. To look at life through a new looking glass and discover thing we had never seen before. We try new things, eat new foods, go on new adventures, look under rocks we would have normally walked by. And what we see together is BEAUTIFUL....and when we look at each other what we see is AMAZING. I love reading my kids a bedtime story at night now, because what I hadn't looked for before is there in their eyes, the wonder, the imagination, the appreciation. It was always there I just never took the time to look.
The way I look at my children is something I live each day for. I'm excited to teach them new things and to make new discoveries right along side them. We are parent and child but also friend and playmate. Life is good.